you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
