I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
