He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
