If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
