You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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