Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
