what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
