Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
