Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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