i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
