i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
