long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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