I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize