thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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