i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize