dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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