just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
