I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
