yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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