First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize