I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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