I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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