You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
