i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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