There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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