I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
3pm strippers are depressing
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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