I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
