Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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