Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
