So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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