My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
