A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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