And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
True strength comes from lack of pants
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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