his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
