I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
