3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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