your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize