I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
