that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
