David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
