if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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