I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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