Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
