quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
