is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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