What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
