she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I need to calm my uterus...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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