I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
pray to the hookup gods
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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