4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
