Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
