I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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