Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
