The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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