haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize