ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
please don't ironically join a cult
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