That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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