Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize