go do what you do best...puke behind churches
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
