my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
