Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
