I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
