party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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