Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
