the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
