I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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